We hear it daily … “I have to change,” especially in the context of a midlife crisis. Part of the joy in helping our clients comes from unpacking the very real, very personal choices we want to address and taking some of the “hard work” out of the equation.

Personal change, in the form of habits, attitudes, assumptions, body makeup and self-talk can seem daunting. Even more so, if we feel pursuing the change is either a huge commitment or a very tall peak.

Truth be told, every path requires change, but most times it requires us to get out of our own way to accept different avenues to new goals. Face it, we have all had plenty of time to build up wagon-loads of beliefs and notions about “what it will take” to become someone different than what we’ve achieved thus far.

And we make the mountain too tall, the sacrifice too great, the journey much more difficult than it really is because we’ve been conditioned to want more and expect less (from ourselves) because, um “change is hard.” And of course there is the narrative about “have to” vs. “choose to,” so the notion of “I have to change” is loaded with impending pushback from within.

So the entire “I have to change” process is horribly flawed.

One answer (there are many) is that change really isn’t that big a deal, and the less power we give the notion of changing, the less effort it takes to move in a different direction.

Think of yourself as a sailboat under full wind and headed to a really awful set of coastline rocks. Pulling the sail in is going to be treacherous, and even lowering the sails is dangerous. Somebody’s going to lose a finger (or get wet). But using the tiller to slowly steer the ship while allowing the rigging to take on some slack can relieve the pressures, slow the boat and enable a more orderly trip to port. Little adjustments create better outcomes.

So, losing weight will mean understanding food better, and learning more about your body, then adjusting what you choose to eat. Getting fitter will involve creating a baseline so you can start to intentionally be more active in ways that deliver benefits in how you feel, move and perform. Simple. Incremental. Transformation. One place to start might be looking into what some gurus are suggesting for personal health and wellness changes.

This Midlife is not a glorified New Year’s Resolution and it certainly isn’t I have to change today. It is a process that helps you learn how to embrace trends, science and life facts that will inform your choices and connect you to the people and systems that make “change” a choice your mind, body and soul can accept without all the drama.

You can start this journey today with a simple step. Sign up for an evaluation, and learn more about how you want to make your life better and what choices we can help you make to get there. TML is a concierge service for finding a better you, with easier, happier directions.